Mommy Guilt

Parents frequently live with something called guilt.  This evil thought that runs through our head, frequently sabotaging any idea we have to do something for ourselves, all because of how it may take away from the children.  I live with mommy guilt on a daily basis.  How am I ruining Chewy's life by being a single parent?  Am I giving her a good enough childhood while living below the poverty level?  Is going to school really what is best for us when it takes away from her when I have homework?  Is all this walking I do helpful to Chewy?  And this isn't even all of it!  Don't get me started on the guilt I give myself for even just thinking about buying myself a pair of pants that actually fit when really, I should probably be doing something else with the money. 

A friend of mine recently applauded me for spending money on myself.  I paid for my registration for my half marathon in December.  It was a very difficult thing for me to do!  I can still tell you what other things I could have done with the money, and none of them would have been for my own personal desires, needs, or gain.  Actually, I could have bought myself pants that fit and that would have fit in all three of those ideas.  I could have cut a check for the same amount to my personal favorite charity and not thought twice about it.  But to spend that money on myself seemed over the top ridiculous!  My friend reminded me that people spend the same amount monthly on gym memberships, eating out, coffee, and other items; it was about time I did the same for myself.  And that is exactly it:  something for myself.

Many parents still deal with guilt, as I very clearly do.  Making time for yourself is hard!  I will be the first to admit that bedtime in my house is a blessing to me.  I give 110% to Chewy during the day.  When she is in bed, provided the house is still standing, she is not dying, and no fire is present, this is my time to wind down and nurture myself.  When Chewy is at school, this is my time to handle things that take away from her.  Chewy is 11 though, and this makes things much easier than when she was very young.  If only I could have figured out a few things when she was younger, like the fact that I am worth giving myself all the attention I give to others.

Walking is one of those things I give myself.  I have learned that I am a much better parent when I give myself this time.  Chewy is the all-around busy child.  Sports and Robotics are the two top activities she enjoys, which means the Mom Taxi is always going.  One thing I will say is that I do not stay at practices.  If needed I run errands but honestly, most of the time I walk.  I know I have 90 minutes of free time that I can spend sitting at practice not doing anything, or I can move a little and have what I call my meditative time.  Chewy and I come together at the end of practice and talk about our experiences while hurrying home to eat that dinner we both are needing our workouts.       

So to those wondering, how to I tell the parent guilt to go away and make time for me?  You just do, but you do what works for you.  I try to involve my daughter in doing things with me.  Chewy is my partner when doing 5k's and we only do the fun ones like Dirty Dash or Electric Run.  As part of my knee rehabilitation, I did water aerobics and Chewy joined me for that, too.  I do things for myself when she is busy with her own activity.  I really take advantage of the time when she is not at home for a few days.  Most of all, I really try to figure out how to nurture myself.  The more I make this a priority, the less guilt I feel!  I know that at the end of the day, I can give Chewy and the rest of the world a more productive me if I treat myself like I am worth it.

And in case you did not know:  YOU are worth it!  Go nurture yourself today.  It does not have to be anything huge.  Just make sure you do it just for you.